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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Life
Nerd
Date
Unfortunately
Scientists
Discovered
Scientist
Either
Form
Nasa
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
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Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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You CAN make an omelette without breaking eggs. It's just a really bad omelette.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.
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Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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Truthiness is What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true. It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.
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Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
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In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that's almost never the case. I'm just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative.
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