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A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Never
Role
Concept
Authority
Model
Roles
Otherwise
Provider
Teacher
Concepts
Providers
Understand
Inspire
Importantly
Father
Models
Pleased
Ever
Figure
Parenting
Children
Figures
Distant

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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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Once I'm performing the show, I think that hour show has a certain intimacy with our audience. And that intimacy is through the lens and the live audience is a witness to that, whereas the audience at home is actually the object of my efforts.
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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I'm impervious to logic.
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.
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Cain understands domestic issues because he had experience selling pizza and he understands international issues because pizza is Italian.
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Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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My grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants. He did it because he killed a man back in Ireland.
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