Quote

Women don't want all that. Women just want a partner who is considerate and attentive, who will spoon with them while reciting Keats, and feed them organic yogurt by candlelight on a seaside cliff at sunset.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Cliff
Keats
Cliffs
Candlelight
Organic
Reciting
Partner
Yogurt
Sunset
Attentive
Feed
Spoon
Partners
Considerate
Women
Spoons
Seaside

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Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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You said in your book that at the end of the day, every politician is human. What about during the day?
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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If you're a perfectionist and you know you're about to do something at which you cannot be perfect, then that is daunting because you know what your heart is like and the way you approach your work.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.
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Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that's almost never the case. I'm just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative.
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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