Quote

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Self
Poorly
Giving
Promotion
Important
Informed
Idiot
Character
Give
Wells
Well
Intentioned

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.
Stephen Colbert
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If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.
Stephen Colbert
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
Stephen Colbert
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
Stephen Colbert
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I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.
Stephen Colbert
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North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'
Stephen Colbert
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
Stephen Colbert
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
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Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
Stephen Colbert
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
Stephen Colbert
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If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
Stephen Colbert
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Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.
Stephen Colbert
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Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.
Stephen Colbert
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
Stephen Colbert
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It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise.
Stephen Colbert
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No one has any idea what's going to happen. Not even Elon Musk. That's why he's building those rockets. He wants a 'Plan B' on another world.
Stephen Colbert
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There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.
Stephen Colbert
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
Stephen Colbert
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Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
Stephen Colbert