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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Believe
Governs
Hilarious
Fabulous
Iraq
Standards
Least
Government
Best
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
Stephen Colbert
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
Stephen Colbert
I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
Stephen Colbert
So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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Don't be bitter. Everybody suffers. If you can accept your suffering then you will understand other people better. Be grateful for pain. Love life.
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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
Stephen Colbert
Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.
Stephen Colbert
