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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Metaphorical
Shortage
Opportunities
Clearly
Poor
Opportunity
America

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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We claim no respectability. There's no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don't have to defend anything.
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.
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And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.
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Truthiness is what you want the facts to be as opposed to what the facts are. What feels like the right answer as opposed to what reality will support.
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Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!
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I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.
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It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, I command you to do this. The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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