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Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Metaphorical
Shortage
Opportunities
Clearly
Poor
Opportunity
America
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
The more you know, the sadder you get.
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Baby carrots are making me gay.
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
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I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.
Stephen Colbert
Texas governor Rick Perry has been in the race only three days, and he's already blowing away the competition like it is a trespassing coyote.
Stephen Colbert
I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.
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Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
Stephen Colbert
What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
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It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.
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When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
Stephen Colbert
The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
Stephen Colbert
I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
Stephen Colbert
It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
