Quote

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Food
Animal
Friends
Buns
Two
Summed
Animals
Answer
Aren
Answers

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But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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Equations are the devil's sentences.
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
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A new study shows that having a severe phobia can hasten aging. But what if my greatest fear IS aging?!?
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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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