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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Bush
Hot
Dog
President

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When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.
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I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?
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I know that the pope's infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.
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Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.
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I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
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And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.
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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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