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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Bush
Hot
Dog
President

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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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The liberal Gluten-free agenda is turning our dogs lesbian.
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The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.
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If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.
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And when those bombs went off, there were runners who, after finishing a marathon, kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood. So, here's what I know - these maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston, but all they can ever do, is show just how good those people are.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids aren’t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: “I’m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.
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If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
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Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.
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Try to love others and serve others and hopefully find those who love and serve you in return.
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It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
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