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If I had a dime for everytime that I was wrong, I'd be broke.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Wrong
Dime
Dimes
Broke

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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You gotta learn to love when you're failing.... The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
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Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.
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I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
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I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
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To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
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Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?
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Luckily, a recent survey published in the American Sociological Review revealed that atheists are the least trusted group in America—less trusted, even, than homosexuals. It makes sense at least we trust the homosexuals with our hair.
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I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.
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Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
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Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
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I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
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