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(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
News
Movie
Like
Disney
Foxes
Watching

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.
Stephen Colbert
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert
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History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!
Stephen Colbert
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Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.
Stephen Colbert
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If you are a hermaphrodite, it is physically impossible to be gay.
Stephen Colbert
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
Stephen Colbert
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What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!
Stephen Colbert
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And we didn't have cell phones. If you made plans to meet someone in a snow storm, and they didn't show up, you just had to assume they were devoured by wolves and go on with your life.
Stephen Colbert
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I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.
Stephen Colbert
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
Stephen Colbert
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
Stephen Colbert
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Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
Stephen Colbert
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
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All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.
Stephen Colbert
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Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.
Stephen Colbert
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I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.
Stephen Colbert
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Agnostics are just atheists without balls.
Stephen Colbert