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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen Colbert
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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
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Wonder
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Cult
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Figures
More quotes by Stephen Colbert
I believe all God's creatures have a soul... except bears, bears are Godless killing machines!
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I could sit toe to toe at a potato table with anybody.
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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If you think you can lead your flock of sheeple and peeps to some glorified noodle fest on the mall, you got another thing coming, mister.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
Stephen Colbert
Warmth is to sun, as truth is to me.
Stephen Colbert
In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
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If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!
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First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
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I don't think anybody can with a straight face say that the Russians did not set out to influence our election, and they did so.
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
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I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.
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I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.
Stephen Colbert
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.
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The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.
Stephen Colbert
