Quote

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Answers
Wonder
Whether
Wondering
Easy
Cult
Way
Figure
Figures
Answer

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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In America, we know to ignore artists if they're serious in any way.
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You know what I hate about people who criticize you? They - they criticize what you say but they never give you credit for how loud you say it.
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Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
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So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.
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If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
Stephen Colbert
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I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.
Stephen Colbert
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They think I'm silly. I do silly things. I fall down and run into things. I talk to inanimate objects. I'll hold a pickup stick to my ear and say, What? What's that? I can't hear you
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I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
Stephen Colbert
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People would say, Oh, you say you just do jokes. I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.
Stephen Colbert
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
Stephen Colbert
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I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.
Stephen Colbert
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(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock
Stephen Colbert
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
Stephen Colbert
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Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
Stephen Colbert
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And of course I don't go anywhere without my pet goldfish, Anthrax. I always tell security I'm carrying Anthrax. Yeah, sure I get a lot of guff about it, but it's a family name I'm not changing it.
Stephen Colbert
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Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.
Stephen Colbert
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert