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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Superiority
Dedicated
Atheism
Religion
Sense
Smug

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As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.
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I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
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When meeting royalty, it is very important, no matter how excited you are, not to vomit on them. Instead, vomit on the nearest commoner.
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If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
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Will Herman Cain become the first black President that I acknowledge? I call him a dark horse because he's an unlikely candidate who surged forward, and not because he's a horse.
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Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
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I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.
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I am no fan of books.
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If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.
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Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
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I do my show half-hour a night four nights a week. I haven't seen my kids in 18 months, and I am losing calcium in my bones. Doctors say I should stop. I'm not going to.
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I'm getting angry at liberals.
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In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.
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If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I'm confused. Also hungry.
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Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.
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It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.
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