Quote

I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.

Stephen Colbert

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Teach
School
Sunday

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

Image
Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
Stephen Colbert
Image
But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Not living in fear is a great gift, because certainly these days we do it so much. And do you know what I like about comedy? You can't laugh and be afraid at the same time - of anything. If you're laughing, I defy you to be afraid.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.
Stephen Colbert
Image
It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.
Stephen Colbert
Image
First, [in high school], I smoked a lot of pot...and that's how I got to know the people 'half in' the society of my high school and we waved at each other over the bong. Then I got to know people by making jokes.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!
Stephen Colbert
Image
The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable on notice? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?
Stephen Colbert
Image
Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family.
Stephen Colbert
Image
We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Corporations have free speech, but they can't speak like you and me. They don't have mouths or hands.
Stephen Colbert
Image
(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.
Stephen Colbert
Image
it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
Stephen Colbert
Image
NASA scientists have discovered a new form of life, unfortunately, it won't date them either.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don't need to care about science, literature or peace.
Stephen Colbert
Image
Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.
Stephen Colbert
Image
I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.
Stephen Colbert
Image
If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.
Stephen Colbert