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If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Means
Else
Mean
Germans
Miserable
Happy
Everyone

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To quote from another gospel, DUNE by Frank Herbert, 'Fear is the mind-killer.' ... Jesus was the original Muad'dib.
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
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You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.
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What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.
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If Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor, I am in huge trouble.
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President Bush, have a hot dog with me.
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Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
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Never throw caution to the wind. It could whip back into your eyes and blind you.
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Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.
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Liberals want to burn the flag, but progressives just want to microwave it?
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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
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Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)
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When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.
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After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms' is a symptom of hypochondria.
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