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Equations are the devil's sentences.

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
Devil
Belief
Equations
Sentences

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.
Stephen Colbert
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It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.
Stephen Colbert
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...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
Stephen Colbert
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I love being onstage, I love the relationship with the audience.
Stephen Colbert
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There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe everyone has the right to their own religion - be you Hindu, Jewish, or Muslim, I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
Stephen Colbert
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News for the godless: religion is inescapable. there has never been a human society without some form of worship. And don't point to communist societies like the Soviet Union - they worshipped blue jeans.
Stephen Colbert
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Atheism, a religion dedicated to its own sense of smug superiority.
Stephen Colbert
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If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?
Stephen Colbert
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Like all great theologies, Bill [O'Reilly]'s can be boiled down to one sentence: There must be a god, because I don't know how things work.
Stephen Colbert
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For me, improvisation is about working with a partner. That is much easier to do in the interview, because you have a sounding board.
Stephen Colbert
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Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?
Stephen Colbert
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I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.
Stephen Colbert
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Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.
Stephen Colbert
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There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
Stephen Colbert
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After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!
Stephen Colbert
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Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?
Stephen Colbert
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
Stephen Colbert
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
Stephen Colbert
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Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'
Stephen Colbert