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Northwestern's alumni list is truly impressive. This university has graduated best-selling authors, Olympians, presidential candidates, Grammy winners, Peabody winners, Emmy winners, and that's just me!

Stephen Colbert

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Stephen Colbert
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 13
Actor
Comedian
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Washington
District of Columbia
Stephen Tyrone Colbert
University
Impressive
Northwestern
Truly
Authors
Alumni
Best
Candidates
Emmy
List
Emmys
Winner
Olympian
Presidential
Grammy
Lists
Graduated
Peabody
Selling
Winners
Olympians

More quotes by Stephen Colbert

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Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.
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Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.
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Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.
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Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?
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No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.
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John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.
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I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.
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Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
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I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.
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I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.
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it's back to school time. or as home-schoolers call it, stay-where-you-are time.
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To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.
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It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.
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I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
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I guess 14% plus Jesus equals victory
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I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview wrong.
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You are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what's going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say 'yes.' And if you're lucky, you'll find people who will say 'yes' back.
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Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.
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I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.
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Sorry to disappoint the liberals who tuned in tonight to gloat about Obama's lead in every poll, but I am not worried. McCain may be behind, but the man is a fighter. He doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit.' He used to, but it was stored in the same part of his brain that remembered to vet his running mate.
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