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I was diagnosed with a severe temporal spatial deficit, a learning disability that means I have zero spatial relations skills. It was official: I was a genius trapped in an idiot's body.
Sloane Crosley
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Sloane Crosley
Age: 46
Born: 1978
Born: August 3
Essayist
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
New York City
New York
Mean
Zero
Temporal
Idiot
Disability
Relation
Official
Skills
Deficit
Genius
Severe
Learning
Trapped
Means
Relations
Diagnosed
Body
Officials
Spatial
More quotes by Sloane Crosley
For a long time I wanted to draw, but I could never get the proportions right. My still life sketches were the artistic equivalent of someone who has misjudged the space constraints of a postcard, the handwriting shrinking uncomfortably at the bottom.
Sloane Crosley
Some of the writers I admire who seem very, very funny and very emotional to me can develop a closeness with the reader without giving too much of themselves away. Lorrie Moore comes to mind, as does David Sedaris. When they write, the reader thinks that they're being trusted as a friend.
Sloane Crosley
Uniqueness is wasted on youth. Like fine wine or a solid flossing habit, you'll be grateful for it when you're older.
Sloane Crosley
It's remarkable the logic we'll build around a misapprehension.
Sloane Crosley
Everything in New York seems to merit preserving. If it's not historical, it's personal. If it's not personal, it's cultural. But you can't. You can't save everything. You just have to pack it up in your brain and take it with you when you go.
Sloane Crosley
Book tours are such a little tapas meal of where I could live.
Sloane Crosley
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know where their high school yearbook is and those who do not.
Sloane Crosley
I write on weekends, on vacation, and, really - on deadline and on my floor. Both terrible for the back.
Sloane Crosley
For me, nothing brings out my 'born yesterday' idiotic qualities quite like having my photograph taken.
Sloane Crosley
Our culture's obsession with vintage objects has rendered us unable to separate history from nostalgia. People want heart. They want a chaser of emotion with their aesthetics.
Sloane Crosley
In New York, if you weigh under 200 pounds and decline so much as a cookie at a co-worker's party, women will flock to your side, assuring you of your appealing physique. This is how skittish we are about the dangers of anorexia and the pressures of body image.
Sloane Crosley
When you spin a globe and point to a city and actually go to that city, you build an allowance of missed opportunities on the back end.
Sloane Crosley
Picture it in your mind's nostril: you get in a cab in time to catch twin thugs named Vomit and Cologne assaulting a defenseless pine-tree air freshener.
Sloane Crosley
I wouldn't want to live in Berlin. It's bombed out and there's a lot of techno.
Sloane Crosley
It is my belief that people who speak of high school with a sugary fondness are bluffing away early-onset Alzheimer's.
Sloane Crosley
My grandmother was a kind of Scarsdale, New York, society woman, best known in her day as the author of the 1959 book 'Growing Your Own Way: An Informal Guide for Teen-Agers' - this despite being a person whose parenting style made Joan Crawford's wire hangers look like pool noodles.
Sloane Crosley
Every time I open the drawer, it's a trip down Memory Lane, which, if you don't turn off at the right exit, merges straight into the Masochistic Nostalgia Highway.
Sloane Crosley
You feel like telling him you're not single in the way that he thinks you're single. After all, you have yourself.
Sloane Crosley
If you have to ask someone to change, to tell you they love you, to bring wine to dinner, to call you when they land, you can't afford to be with them.
Sloane Crosley
There is one thing you know for sure, one fact that never fails to comfort you: the worst day of your life wasn't in there, in that mess. And it will do you good to remember the best day of your life wasn't in there, either. But another person brought you closer to those borders than you had been, and maybe that's not such a bad thing.
Sloane Crosley