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Canada is not so much a country as a clothesline nearly 4,000 miles long. St John's in Newfoundland is closer to Milan, Italy than to Vancouver.

Simon Hoggart

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Simon Hoggart
Age: 67 †
Born: 1946
Born: May 26
Died: 2014
Died: January 5
Journalist
Simon David Hoggart
Much
Vancouver
Long
Italy
Closer
Canada
Nearly
Clothesline
Miles
Clotheslines
John
Newfoundland
Country
Milan

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The British are the last national group who can be insulted by Hollywood without any comeback. These days if you depict Italians as gangsters, Saudis as terrorists or Mexicans as violent drug dealers you'll never hear the end of it. But as still the largest - and possibly the richest - ethnic group in the States, the British just have to take it.
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I've served on five different juries, and many of them were bonkers in their own way.
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Americans are fascinated by their own love of shopping. This does not make them unique. It's just that they have more to buy than most other people on the planet. And it's also an affirmation of faith in their country.
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The Chinese do make vast quantities of wine for home consumption, but you wouldn't want to drink it yourself.
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They're called Virgin Trains because they don't go all the way.
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Reagan is the only man to take the presidency as a part-time job, a means of filling up the otherwise empty hours of retirement.
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When you visit a foreign city you are in it, but not of it, separated by a glass wall. Once, while a student, I was getting dressed in my ground-floor room when a family of Italians crossed the grass to watch, as if I were laid on for their amusement and instruction.
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America loves the representation of its heroes to be not just larger than life, but stupendously, awesomely bigger than anything else. If blue whales built statues to each other they'd be smaller then these.
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I think the great thing about grandparents is seeing another home, realising that people you love can have different priorities, different diversions, different opinions and lead quite different lives from the ones you see every day, and that is immensely valuable.
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In Washington, success is just a training course for failure.
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Most successful American politicians look well-fed on endorsements, campaign contributions and chicken dinners.
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In Washington, the first thing people tell you is what their job is. In Los Angeles you learn their star sign. In Houston you're told how rich they are. And in New York they tell you what their rent is.
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The nanny seemed to be extinct until 1975, when, like the coelacanth, she suddenly and unexpectedly reappeared in the shape of Margaret Thatcher.
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Kind 'Guardian' readers have been forwarding me round robin Christmas newsletters for years now: lengthy missives full of perfect children, exotic holidays, talented pets and endless, tedious detail. The notes that accompanied them revealed they had inspired in the original recipients everything from mild irritation to absolute rage.
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Corney & Barrow are proud to have the royal warrant, meaning that they provide the Palace with some of the greatest - and necessarily most expensive - wines from around the world. I am pleased to say that they also hold my own warrant, for providing exceptional wines at - surprisingly - modest prices.
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I know of no wars started by anyone to impose lack of religion on someone else.
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While it is entirely untrue that Canadians lack a sense of humour, the funniest ones tend to head south: Dan Aykroyd, Jim Carrey, Michael J. Fox.
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If you read the 'Daily Mail,' you would imagine that the British middle classes lead lives of unremitting misery.
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