Actualization of self cannot be sought as a goal in its own right. . . . Rather, it seems to be a by-product of active commitment of one's talents to some cause, outside the self, such as the quest for beauty, truth, or justice.

We encourage people to believe that there is only one identity, one role, one way for them to be, one value for them to fulfill, rather than a host of possible 'incarnations' to be lived in a lifetime.

The experience of surprise is a sign of one's readiness to grow.

You cannot collaborate with another person toward some common end unless you know him. How can you know him, and he you, unless you have engaged in enough mutual disclosure of self to be able anticipate how he will react and what part he will play?

Amazement and wonder signify that one's concepts of self and of the world and of other people are ready to be re-formed.

Perhaps the most important reason for self-disclosure is that without it we cannot truly love.

Paradoxically, we fail to disclose ourselves to other people because we want so much to be loved. Because we feel that way, we present ourselves as someone we think can be loved and accepted, and we conceal whatever would mar that image.

Learning is not a task or a problem-it is a way to be in the world. Man learns as he pursues goals and projects that have meaning for him.

We learn to deceive ourselves while we are trying to deceive others.

We camouflage our true being before others to protect ourselves against criticism or rejection. This protection comes at a steep price... we are misunderstood. When we are misunderstood, especially by family and friends, we join the 'lonely crowd.' Worse... we tend to lose touch with our real selves.