We teach reading, writing and math by [having students do] them. But we teach democracy by lecture.

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

I believe it is important for comedians to know who came before them.

I heard the other day of a man who paid a psychologist $50 to cure him of an inferiority complex - and later was fined $25 and costs for talking back to a traffic cop.

The old problems - love, money, security, status, health, etc. - are still here to plague us or please us.

I am presently in my thirteenth year of teaching a graduate course at the University of Southern California.

If you've never met a student from the University of Chicago, I'll describe him to you. If you give him a glass of water, he says, 'This is a glass of water. But is it a glass of water? And if it is a glass of water, why is it a glass of water?' And eventually he dies of thirst.

While you're improvising, you may come up with something which will break him up. As soon as that smile comes out, you know that, hey, we're having fun.

The Steve Allen Sunday night show had the right to two options after my first performance.

My first job was at a Chicago night club called Mr. Kelly's.

I was an actor before becoming a comedian.

Incidentally, I'm still looking for acting work, my first love.

I am in the Master of Professional Writing program teaching Humor Writing, Literary and Dramatic.

Though it sold very well, I hated The Edge.

Inside was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience.