A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.

If you've never met a student from the University of Chicago, I'll describe him to you. If you give him a glass of water, he says, 'This is a glass of water. But is it a glass of water? And if it is a glass of water, why is it a glass of water?' And eventually he dies of thirst.

Incidentally, I'm still looking for acting work, my first love.

We teach reading, writing and math by [having students do] them. But we teach democracy by lecture.

I believe it is important for comedians to know who came before them.

While you're improvising, you may come up with something which will break him up. As soon as that smile comes out, you know that, hey, we're having fun.

I was an actor before becoming a comedian.

Though it sold very well, I hated The Edge.

I am in the Master of Professional Writing program teaching Humor Writing, Literary and Dramatic.

My first job was at a Chicago night club called Mr. Kelly's.

Inside was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience.

The Steve Allen Sunday night show had the right to two options after my first performance.

I heard the other day of a man who paid a psychologist $50 to cure him of an inferiority complex - and later was fined $25 and costs for talking back to a traffic cop.

The old problems - love, money, security, status, health, etc. - are still here to plague us or please us.

I am presently in my thirteenth year of teaching a graduate course at the University of Southern California.