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I want to be careful not to throw all this away. This is happiness. I think this is what happiness is. I haven't got it yet, but I can sense it out there. I feel I'm close to it. Some days, I'm so close I can almost smell it.
Sebastian Faulks
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Sebastian Faulks
Age: 71
Born: 1953
Born: April 20
Broadcaster
Journalist
Novelist
Parodist
Writer
Sebastian Charles Faulks
Feel
Havens
Feels
Haven
Think
Close
Thinking
Days
Almost
Happiness
Throw
Sense
Smell
Away
Careful
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Gradually the feeling wears off, and I feel swamped again by the inexplicable pettiness of being alive.
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I never for a moment considered killing myself, because it wouldn't have achieved anything.
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Life can be lived at a remove. You trade in futures, and then you trade in derivatives of futures. Banks make more money trading derivatives than they do trading actual commodities.
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Something had been buried that was not yet dead.
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If you have only one life, you cant altogether ignore the question: are you enjoying it?
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Memory is the only thing that binds you to earlier selves for the rest, you become an entirely different being every decade or so, sloughing off the old persona, renewing and moving on. You are not who you were, he told her, nor who you will be.
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It was entirely silent and I tried to breathe its peace.
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I suppose that each of us may have a great moment in our life, a month, a week a year, when we are most fully what we are meant to be
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He wrote one more paragraph for his own sake, to see what he had to say.
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That's what opium does to suffering: makes it of hypothetical interest only.
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That sense of happiness just out beyond my reach - I'm not sure I'd grasped that exactly, but I'd got something close to it, contentment maybe, or at least a functioning routine with regular rewards.
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I breathed and breathed and did feel some calmness enter in, though it was, as always, shot with a sense of loss. Loss and fear.
Sebastian Faulks
