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Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Wisdom
Getting
Would
Smart

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When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
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Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.
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Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
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People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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Dilbert: Evolution must be true because it is a logical conclusion of the scientific method. Dogbert: But science is based on the irrational belief that because we cannot perceive reality all at once, things called time and cause and effect exist. Dilbert: That's what I was taught and that's what I believe. Dogbert: Sounds cultish.
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If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.
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Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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