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Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Doesn
Better
Ever
Firsts
First
Mean
Spasmodic
Gotten

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Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
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In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
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Large corporations welcome innovation and individualism in the same way the dinosaurs welcomed large meteors.
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The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
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Failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight.
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The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.
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In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
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I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.
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I should have written that down. - Dilbert
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You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
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'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
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