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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Shake
Shakes
Names
Hands
Time
Memorize

More quotes by Scott Adams

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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
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Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. ... Words such as dimension and field and infinity ... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
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I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.
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The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
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The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
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Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It's the implementation that's important! The trick isn't just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it!
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
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My investments have been hurt.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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