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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Hands
Time
Memorize
Shake
Shakes
Names

More quotes by Scott Adams

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I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
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Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
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Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.
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For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.
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For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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Home is pretty utopian.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
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When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
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Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
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Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ?
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