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For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
Scott Adams
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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
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Journalist
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Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
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More quotes by Scott Adams
Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.
Scott Adams
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.
Scott Adams
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
Scott Adams
Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.
Scott Adams
Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there
Scott Adams
The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
Scott Adams
You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
Scott Adams
Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
Scott Adams
Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.
Scott Adams
In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
Scott Adams
Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
Scott Adams
When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
Scott Adams
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.
Scott Adams
I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
Scott Adams
It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
Scott Adams
When virtual reality gets cheaper than dating, society is doomed.
Scott Adams
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Scott Adams
The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
Scott Adams
Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a Big Bang at all-it was more of Phhbwt sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the Little Phhbwt theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.
Scott Adams
Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ?
Scott Adams