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I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
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More quotes by Scott Adams

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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
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I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.
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I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.
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The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
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Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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Dogbert gazing at night sky No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there. Dilbert Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth. DogbertThank you for shattering my comfortable misconception. DilbertIt's the miracle of science.
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I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.
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There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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Large corporations welcome innovation and individualism in the same way the dinosaurs welcomed large meteors.
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If you spend all your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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