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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Firsts
Need
First
Parachute
Needs
Parachutes
Time
Needing
Like
Chances
Chance
Someone

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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
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I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
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Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
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There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
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