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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Nature
Stay
Dinosaur
Better
Turn
Dinosaurs
Turns
Equilibrium
Eye
Third
Natural
Thirds
Use
Plan
Zits
Science
Advantage
Punctuated
Away
Plans
Fitter

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There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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I should have written that down. - Dilbert
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In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
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When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
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The best things in life are silly.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
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Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a Big Bang at all-it was more of Phhbwt sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the Little Phhbwt theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.
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I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
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My investments have been hurt.
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He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day
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