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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
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Windham
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Scott Raymond Adams
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More quotes by Scott Adams

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The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
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Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. ... Words such as dimension and field and infinity ... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
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If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?
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Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
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I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.
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There's no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people's. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it first last week and you just remembered it.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
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Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
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