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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
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Tonight
Idiots
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Idiot
Device
Science
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Remote
Miniseries
Keep
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Coincidence
Asteroid
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Subject
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Screen
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Researchers

More quotes by Scott Adams

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Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
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Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
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Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It's the implementation that's important! The trick isn't just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it!
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
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Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
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If you’re going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don’t win, you’re usually no worse off than if you hadn’t played.
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Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
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Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).
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My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.
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I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
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I should have written that down. - Dilbert
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ?
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You can change only what people know, not what they do.
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People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.
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Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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