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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
Scott Adams
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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Offers
Posterior
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Pressing
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Reduce
Boss
Stupidity
Drunk
More quotes by Scott Adams
Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
Scott Adams
If free will exists, why do the tallest candidates with the best hair usually win elections ?
Scott Adams
Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
Scott Adams
Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
Scott Adams
The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
Scott Adams
I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
Scott Adams
And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
Scott Adams
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Scott Adams
In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
Scott Adams
Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. ... Words such as dimension and field and infinity ... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
Scott Adams
If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
Scott Adams
Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.
Scott Adams
There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
Scott Adams
Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
Scott Adams
Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It's the implementation that's important! The trick isn't just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it!
Scott Adams
In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
Scott Adams
One of the great things about being ignorant is that I often think my ideas are original. It's a wonderful feeling. That's why I try to avoid any knowledge that would spoil the sensation. Sometimes it isn't easy. People keep hurling knowledge at me, and I can't always duck.
Scott Adams
Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.
Scott Adams
Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity - except in politics where it's called leadership.
Scott Adams
I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
Scott Adams
