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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Drunk
Offers
Posterior
Gets
Helpfully
Pressing
Suggest
Reduce
Boss
Stupidity

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You can change only what people know, not what they do.
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I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.
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The best you can hope for in this life is that your delusions are benign and your compulsions have utility.
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I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
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Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
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I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.
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Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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I should have written that down. - Dilbert
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Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
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'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.
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There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.
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I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
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The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.
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I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
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