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If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Told
Probably
Parent
President
Kids
Havens
Haven
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He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.
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For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It's the implementation that's important! The trick isn't just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it!
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Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
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The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
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The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day
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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
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Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity - except in politics where it's called leadership.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
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And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.
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I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
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I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.
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I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.
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The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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