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If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Haven
Already
Told
Probably
Parent
President
Kids
Havens

More quotes by Scott Adams

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Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
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He changed more times than a baby in a beer-drinking contest.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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Dogbert: So, Since Columbus is dead, you have no evidence that the earth is round. Dilbert: Look. You can Ask Senator John Glenn. He orbited the earth when he was an astronaut. Dogbert: So, your theory depends on the honesty of politicians. Dilbert: Yes... no, wait.
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Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
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The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
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I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
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I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.
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'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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The best things in life are silly.
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In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car.
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I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
Scott Adams