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Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
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Journalist
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Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
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More quotes by Scott Adams

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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.
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Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
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Continuing to believe the same thing, even in the face of new evidence to the contrary, is the definition of insanity - except in politics where it's called leadership.
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Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
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For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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My investments have been hurt.
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Failure is a resource that can be managed.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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