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Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Speak
Appear
Science
Faster
Light
Lips
Wonder
Sync
Heard
Travels
Knowledge
Shout
Sound
Wondering
Words
Boss

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Failure is a resource that can be managed.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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If you’re going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don’t win, you’re usually no worse off than if you hadn’t played.
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Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. ... Words such as dimension and field and infinity ... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
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I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
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Have you ever noticed that things that don’t kill you make you weaker? And great minds don’t think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions. I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill.” - Wally
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Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero.
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You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
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Just because no one has ever gotten better from Spasmodic Dysphonia before doesn't mean I can't be the first.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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