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Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
Scott Adams
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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
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Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
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More quotes by Scott Adams
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.
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I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.
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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
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In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
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I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
Scott Adams
Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a Big Bang at all-it was more of Phhbwt sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the Little Phhbwt theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.
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When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.
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Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.
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My investments have been hurt.
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Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.
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You can change only what people know, not what they do.
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.
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Reporters are faced with the daily choice of painstakingly researching stories or writing whatever people tell them. Both approaches pay the same.
Scott Adams
Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
Scott Adams