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And bring me a hard copy of the Internet so I can do some serious surfing.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Internet
Serious
Technology
Bring
Hard
Surfing
Copy
Copies

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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
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I should have written that down. - Dilbert
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In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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The best things in life are silly.
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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.
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I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. [TV remote control] Click.
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Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.
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There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.
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Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to be successful) it would be the willingness to risk embarrassment.
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.
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Ratbert (as lab rat, to scientist): Doc, we have to talk. Every day you feed me over a hundred pounds of macaroni and cheese. At first I thought you were just being a good host. But lately I've been thinking it could be something far more sinister.
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Our perceptions of truth are built around what is practical, not what is true. Even the smartest human brain doesn't have the capacity for discerning true facts. That's why so many of us settle for scientific facts. It's the best we can do.
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