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When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Stupid
Dies
Giving
Life
Eater
Lemon
Lemons
Choke
Gives

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Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure.
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My philosophy is that every phone conversation has a loser.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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I'm curious how you'll know it works. I assume it's mostly a cosmetic change.
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Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
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There's a fine line between participation and mockery.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.
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If you’re going to create, create a lot. Creativity is not like playing the slot machines, where failure to win means you go home broke. With creativity, if you don’t win, you’re usually no worse off than if you hadn’t played.
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The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
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I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out.
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