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If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I'd be a 400 pound guy.

Scott Adams

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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Guy
Much
Disliked
Pound
Fats
Pounds
Liked
Exercise
Food

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If you haven't already told your kids 'don't fellate the president' then you're probably a bad parent.
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Dinosaur: I plan to use punctuated equilibrium to turn this zit into a third eye. Catbert: That's not a natural advantage. You'd better stay away from the fitter dinosaurs.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.
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You already barely exist. Disappearing entirely won't be that much of a change.
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He was tenser than Jesse Jackson on Father's Day.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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I rank money higher than social life or meaning because once you have money, those other things are easier to get. For example, you won't have much of a social life if you can't afford to do anything. And you can't make money if your health is a mess.
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Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
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Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
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Sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
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I believe in karma... that means i can do bad things to you all day long and assume you deserve it.
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For our purposes, let’s say a goal is a specific objective that you either achieve or don’t sometime in the future. A system is something you do on a regular basis that increases your odds of happiness in the long run. If you do something every day, it’s a system. If you’re waiting to achieve it someday in the future, it’s a goal.
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I can't memorize names and shake hands at the same time.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality ?
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Man is a game playing animal and a computer is another way to play games.
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Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. ... Words such as dimension and field and infinity ... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
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God designs people's emotions so you fall in love with people who, in return, wouldn't even use your hollowed-out skull for a spittoon.
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