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It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
Scott Adams
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Scott Adams
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: June 8
Blogger
Comic Strip Creator
Comics Artist
Economist
Engineer
Journalist
Writer
Windham
New York
Scott Raymond Adams
Many
People
Corporation
Corporations
Humor
Trouble
Sense
Doesn
Take
More quotes by Scott Adams
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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I should have written that down. - Dilbert
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Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only reason for leadership is to convince people to do things that are either dangerous (like invading another country) or stupid (working extra hard without extra pay).
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I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.
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Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
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There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.
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Your business clothes are naturally attracted to staining liquids. This attraction is strongest just before an important meeting.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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A rental car is basically an ashtray on wheels.
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Your shower is ready - I turned it on last night.
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As long as there are annoying people in the world, I won't run out of material.
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The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
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I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have the ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string.
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You might think the word homemade is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why.
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