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Jesus is magic, because he turned water into wine. I think he made the statue of liberty disappear in the 80s or something.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Think
Magic
Thinking
Humor
Liberty
Water
Statue
Jesus
Statues
Funny
Disappear
Made
Turned
Something
Wine

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'
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It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.
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Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of offensive. Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive?
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It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.
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Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies.
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
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If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy.
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The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.
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Letting your freak flag fly is something, no matter who you are, that takes great bravery, straight up.
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If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
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Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.
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They've got great parents I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.
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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
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I just think of myself as a comedian, really.
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I am Jewish and proud of this culturally and ethnically - the ways in which I was born this way and am happy with whom I am.
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Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women's human shells isn't my thang. Though there's probably something funny or interesting to be said about those who do it, and what that comes from.
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If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon.
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You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage.
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I was a bedwetter until I was about 15, and it was humiliating.
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The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
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