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If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Steps
Shower
Take
Showers
Time
Boyfriend
Guarantee
Breasts
Guarantees
Clean
Step
Sparkling

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I don't believe in Jesus or God. But I do believe that fundamentalists in religion or anything else are bad, and that they have more hate than love.
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We deserve quality lives with equality.
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They've got great parents I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.
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We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.
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I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.
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That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive.
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I started out in clubs, and I've always liked clubs. I like theaters because people are there for the show.
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Why would I become involved with something that doesn't include everyone? If you're getting married today, it's the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn't allow blacks or Jews.
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I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money.
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I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.
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When I was 17, I read a profile of Carol Leifer. Since then, I wanted to be her. I still want to be her.
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I think when you're 25 you're still finding yourself, and you should have the freedom of that.
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I became known for surprising audiences. Except now, if I surprise them every time, they expect that.
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It's just hard to say, Well, I do this, which means this. If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.
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Some people say my humor focuses too much on stereotypes. It doesn't. It focuses on facts.
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Don't tell girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't. It's like saying, 'Hey, when you get in the shower, I'm not gonna read your diary.' 'Wait--are you gonna read my diary?' 'No! I said I'm not gonna read your diary. Go take a shower!'
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When I was three, my dad thought it would be hilarious to teach me swear words, then have me say them to his friends. They would laugh and laugh. I realize now the laugh was pure shock value, but it felt really good, and I've been chasing it ever since.
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Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
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