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If you take a shower with your boyfriend, I guarantee by the time you step out of that shower, your breasts will be sparkling clean.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Guarantee
Breasts
Guarantees
Clean
Step
Sparkling
Shower
Steps
Showers
Take
Boyfriend
Time

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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It's funny how people will think I'm being sarcastic a lot and joking. So I'll say, I like your dress, and they'll go (bleep) you! Or I say something serious and they go, Oh, yeah, ha-ha. They're strangers. They're people who know me from comedy, but luckily I am on pretty much all the time!
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I do love the idea of ritual.
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I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.
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Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
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If you quit being cunty, the whole world will stop being against you.
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People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.
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I never want to be in a position where I have to defend my material. It's too subjective. It's for other people to defend or not defend.
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I dress normal because I want people to treat me regular. And their brains explode. It's really fun.
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I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
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I first did stand-up when I was 17, and then I passed out fliers for a comedy club (in New York City) and I got onstage whenever I could. And musical theater went out the window as soon as I started doing stand-up.
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Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
Sarah Silverman
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Someone on Twitter sent me a page from a textbook. It had a picture of a football player next to a picture of me. The juxtaposition was meant to illustrate two meanings of offensive. Seriously. It broke my heart. It's that accepted what I do is offensive?
Sarah Silverman
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The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
Sarah Silverman
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Nothing is taboo if you have an angle on it. That said, critiquing women's human shells isn't my thang. Though there's probably something funny or interesting to be said about those who do it, and what that comes from.
Sarah Silverman
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I'd love to do drama if it was interesting.
Sarah Silverman
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I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me.
Sarah Silverman
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I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do.
Sarah Silverman
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I can't wait till Sunday, I'm gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.
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I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.
Sarah Silverman