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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Masturbating
Stop
Almost
Forget

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
Sarah Silverman
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Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.
Sarah Silverman
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A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess.
Sarah Silverman
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If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play.
Sarah Silverman
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If I have kids, I'll adopt.
Sarah Silverman
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I think fake boobs have done great things for real boobs. I think people finally appreciate real boobs. People like real boobs. I do. I also enjoy the fact that they are life-nourishers.
Sarah Silverman
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I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
Sarah Silverman
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Growing up, I always loved Disney movies, but the first movie I remember seeing is 'Sleepers,' so I wasn't really taken to children's movies.
Sarah Silverman
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The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17.
Sarah Silverman
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I'd love to do drama if it was interesting.
Sarah Silverman
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Summer camp: the second worst camp for Jews.
Sarah Silverman
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You have to take the chance to bomb and disappoint audiences.
Sarah Silverman
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Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.
Sarah Silverman
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Everyone's got their own velocity, and there's no real time frame with comedy.
Sarah Silverman
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I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140 characters. Twitter is helpful that way to me. It's like a message in a bottle. But a lot of times I think I tweet the stuff I would like to say to teenage me.
Sarah Silverman
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I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.
Sarah Silverman
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I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
Sarah Silverman
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This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg.
Sarah Silverman
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Scientology is weird because it's new.
Sarah Silverman
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I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be in that very, very dark place. It’s not romantic. Not even a little.
Sarah Silverman