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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Forget
Masturbating
Stop
Almost

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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I talk to friends who get their feelings hurt when they read Twitter mentions. I have an amazing solution - don't read Twitter mentions.
Sarah Silverman
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It's funny how people will think I'm being sarcastic a lot and joking. So I'll say, I like your dress, and they'll go (bleep) you! Or I say something serious and they go, Oh, yeah, ha-ha. They're strangers. They're people who know me from comedy, but luckily I am on pretty much all the time!
Sarah Silverman
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If I have kids, I'll adopt.
Sarah Silverman
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I remember the horror story that I told myself over and over again. I'm totally alone in my body. I'm totally alone in my head and nobody will ever see through my eyes. I'm just completely alone.
Sarah Silverman
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I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
Sarah Silverman
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Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
Sarah Silverman
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I love making videos on my couch. You can put those on the Internet fast. I can express myself.
Sarah Silverman
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I know how to write. So I am not totally at the mercy of filmmakers, but it's not a bad point.
Sarah Silverman
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It's just hard to say, Well, I do this, which means this. If I'm telling you exactly who I am, then there's nothing for the audience to say.
Sarah Silverman
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Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
Sarah Silverman
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Mommy is one of the chosen people … and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
Sarah Silverman
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The good news is hopeful doesn't mean dumb. The bad news is cynical doesn't mean smart.
Sarah Silverman
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I learned pretty early is I never defend my material it's for other people to if someone is offended. It's so subjective, and if you don't find it funny, it's definitely going to be offensive.
Sarah Silverman
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Men like to squash you. I just want someone who's happy with himself, happy with his life. He doesn't have to squash mine.
Sarah Silverman
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I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit.
Sarah Silverman
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It feels weird in our ear holes to hear people worshipping a guy named Ron. We know Rons in our life.
Sarah Silverman
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I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
Sarah Silverman
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I just don't let that mentality be a part of my world.
Sarah Silverman
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I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy.
Sarah Silverman
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I really think everything is fair game.
Sarah Silverman