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Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there.

Sarah Silverman

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Sarah Silverman
Age: 53
Born: 1970
Born: December 1
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Bedford
New Hampshire
Sarah Kate Silverman
Almost
Forget
Masturbating
Stop

More quotes by Sarah Silverman

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I like to think of myself as 'hot-larious' I'm cute, but I'm totally approachable.
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Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.
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I was sent to sleepover camp since I was 6, and you know, it's a recipe for disaster.
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Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.
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I just don't let that mentality be a part of my world.
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I have lows, you know, everybody does ... but I kind of know how to handle it. I like to let myself wallow in it. I enforce it with terribly sad music, and it kind of pushes me through to the other side eventually, and I always know it's going to pass.
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I do love the idea of ritual.
Sarah Silverman
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People who follow their religion to the letter of the law are just silly. I mean, I want to tell Hasidic Jews I promise you, God will not mind if you wear a nice cotton blend in the summer.
Sarah Silverman
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The audience works as such a mob. They either all laugh or all don't laugh, and, you know, changes from audience to audience.
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I can't cater to everyone's needs and what they're going to be offended by that's one freedom I have.
Sarah Silverman
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I'm so glad Courtney Love is here I left my crack in my other purse.
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It shows the truth - that the real meaning of a word is only as powerful or harmless as the emotion behind it.
Sarah Silverman
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I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls.
Sarah Silverman
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I'm personally not into a guy who wears pedal pushers and a necklace.
Sarah Silverman
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I've never had an abortion. And I don't know if I would. But, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't fight to the death for women to make their own choices for their own human bodies.
Sarah Silverman
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I will always try to be happy. I don’t think people really understand the value of happiness until they know what it’s like to be in that very, very dark place. It’s not romantic. Not even a little.
Sarah Silverman
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Being with friends felt like a burden. I remember just sobbing.
Sarah Silverman
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Comics who grew up surviving their childhood by being able to be the first one to make the joke about their weight or their hairy arms - like me - whatever they're insecure about, whatever they're apologizing for, that becomes their strength.
Sarah Silverman
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I feel so confident and awesome and sexy when I'm with people who are older than me, and I've always been surrounded by people who are older than me. But to be vital in comedy, you have to exist in a world that's dominated by young people.
Sarah Silverman
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Unvisited tombstones, unread diaries, and erased video game high-score rankings are three of the most potent symbols of mankind's pathetic and fruitless attempts at immortality.
Sarah Silverman